Submitted by Kathleen Owens (she/her), Manager of Clergy Programming and Communications for the Center for Clergy Renewal at Holy Wisdom Monastery
Stef Coleman was six months into a new call in the city of Chicago when a colleague who had come to Holy Wisdom Monastery for a Deep Breath, suggested checking out what is available through the Center for Clergy Renewal. Stef remembers feeling like “I was always being poured out” when she found Contemplative Renewal Immersions on the website. The idea of being part of a cohort of pastors in similar life positions or ministry contexts was appealing. “I was hoping for rest and renewal, but also to hear from God in a way that felt hard to access in the center of a ministry context where I feel very isolated.”
During the Immersions, she found this longed for community and support through the other pastors and in the rhythm of prayer with the sisters. “Showing up, doing silence, was filling in a way that I didn’t expect. Being together with other people praying the psalms out loud in a service I didn’t lead was part of that.”
Receiving this spiritual care gave her the grounding she needed to realize she was carrying a lot of anger. In a conversation with one of the spiritual guides, she was able to acknowledge her anger as a part of being human. “Instead of rejecting it or being afraid of it. It felt good to know God can use it, too. I came out feeling more grounded emotionally and spiritually and able to utilize my anger in a season that has felt very tumultuous.”
Stef notices this change in her ministry. “I feel a lot more confident. I feel a lot more grounded. I’ve been able to bring in different elements to my ministry without being as afraid as I might have been before.” These changes include sharing different images of God and worship practices that Stef encountered through the immersions. “I implemented some changes in our worship service that I think have been really fruitful, talking through different ways of doing ministry, trying to uphold those in my congregation who are older.”
Stef continued, “It’s also given me a lot more grounding for the social justice work that’s really close to my heart and being more unafraid to share what it could look like in other people’s lives as well. Coming from a more evangelical background and upbringing, social justice is not emphasized. Being able to separate that upbringing from who I feel God is and God’s priorities has helped me share more openly why my husband, Chris, and I are making decisions about being a foster family or partnering with a local organization to house refugees.” This call in her life is “just part of who our family is.”
Being grounded in her own understanding of who God is and God’s call in her life also awakened Stef’s creativity. “I’m a writer, and before the Immersion program, I had gone through a year and half dry spell of not writing anything new. At the second immersion, I felt a loosening of the shameful feeling from my Evangelical past which caused me to bifurcate my soul into being either a pastor or artist. I was able to let go of the shame and live into both parts of myself.” Since her Immersion last January, she has returned to writing and completed a draft of a novel as well as taken a class on mosaics to explore a new art form.
Your support of the Center for Clergy Renewal allows pastors like Stef to find a place to be grounded in God’s love, grow in community and scatter seeds of spiritual renewal, justice and artistic beauty for a flourishing world. Thank you for all you do!