Presence

Ryan Wallace does not remember how he first heard about the Contemplative Renewal Immersions at Holy Wisdom Monastery in late 2019. He was already interested in contemplative practices and looking for a way to sustain his ministry. As he remembers, “I was in my early 30s and thinking this is what I plan to do forever. And I know that if I’m going to keep doing this, I’m going to need a way to approach ministry that will be sustainable through my entire career.”

As part of the second cohort, Ryan was among those that had to navigate the pandemic between being accepted into the cohort in February 2020 and arriving at Holy Wisdom Monastery for his first immersion in July 2021. It took him a bit to set down his work and fully arrive when he came. “The first couple days I was trying to finish a lot of stuff, and I wasn’t fully present. Then we had the day of silence. The silence forced me to be fully present. We gathered in the Oratory for a closing and the response was, ‘Thank you God, for finding me here.’ At the end, I broke into tears, and I stayed there by myself for a while. I remember this deep sense of relief in in finding God’s presence again with me.”

Ryan’s powerful sense of God’s presence helped him to develop the skills in contemplative practice he knew he needed to sustain his ministry. “Until coming to Holy Wisdom Monastery, the scripture that defined my lived Christianity and the way that I taught it to others, would be Matthew 10:34-39, ‘I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. And those who want to follow me must take up the cross.’ For me that means confronting the authorities and the empire, and this is still a central part of my spirituality.” During the immersions a passage from the end of Matthew 11, which speaks to Jesus teaching us the “unforced rhythms of grace” became a connection point for the whole cohort. “That passage now holds the same level of importance in my spirituality and my ministry. The two commands are only one chapter apart. I spent a few years reflecting on this. It is the same Jesus who said you have to be ready to give up your life if you follow me and who also said I’ll help you recover your life. It took me a long time to really understand that those things are not at odds.”

Ryan has brought this new understanding of the unity of contemplative presence and faithful action to his work at Fairmount Presbyterian Church in Cleveland Heights, Ohio. The Rule of Life he wrote during his second immersion was based on Thomas Merton’s “Now. Here. This.” He shared his Rule with his colleagues and the church leadership. Over the last three years the focus on being present to God, present to each other, and present to the community has woven its way through worship themes, education, the writing of their new mission statement, and outreach in their city. The balance of action and

contemplation Ryan learned through the Center for Clergy Renewal is informing the work of the congregation from centering prayer to protests.

As Ryan notes, “If you asked me five or six years ago, if I thought I would still be deeply connected with Holy Wisdom. I probably would have said it’s not very likely. It’s a two-year program.” But the seeds planted here are flourishing in his ministry, carrying the presence of God more deeply into his congregation and empowering them to see and serve the people around them.